I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
