Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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