i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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