people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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