sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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