Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
