we're blogging at a bar
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
you had me at cake vodka
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
