Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
