God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize