Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
