walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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