Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
