i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize