when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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