I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
