Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
