you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
