okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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