i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
