I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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