I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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