Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
