Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
