His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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