His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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