Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
