He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
