We're facebook friends in real life
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
