And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
