omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
