his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
