Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
