Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
