id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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