I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
