Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
PANTIES FOUND
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
