It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
