I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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