you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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