And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
