I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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