he thought i was a dude.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize