yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
