We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
