I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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