Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i think i just lost a toe
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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