is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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