just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
