i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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