Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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