i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
