About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
