Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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