So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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