I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
