I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You pole danced in your parka.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
