So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
