And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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