How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My dick has a subreddit
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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