Where did you get a picture of my penis
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
