Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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