i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
