My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
