He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
