As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
