and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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