if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
