Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
