Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
