I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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