saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
