So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
