I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
