I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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