I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
