when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
