Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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