You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
