yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you had me at cake vodka
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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