I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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