cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
