and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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