I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
