No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
