My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize